Lisa Molina | nonfiction | Fluttering Fingers

Fluttering Fingers                            

                                                                                                                 [cw: death]

I felt the surprising first flutter within when I watched your hands wrap a package to be mailed; fingers long and thin, but sure and strong and gentle, as if dancing with the tape and the string, you so carefully tied. 

I wondered if you sensed me staring at them awkwardly, unable to look away for what seemed like a lifetime of soft fingers gliding on my skin, naked and pure, and glowing.

Those hands soon held my back gently as we danced at our wedding reception. Later, those hands, (usually so sure and steady,) trembled, when you cut the thick wiry cord connecting our child to my womb, as he breathed his first breath. And your warm, reassuring hands held your father’s thin, pale hands, ushering him into peace, as he breathed his final breath.

I’m still mesmerized by those hands, radiating with grace and ease; especially when you gift me with a song, perfectly wrapped by your fingers pressing and caressing the strings of your guitar.

Can they still feel me gazing at the lifetimes they hold, as I feel those first fateful flutters again?

Beeper Peddle is a writer and healer living on the East Coast. She lives with her partner and their beloved soul puppy. Beeper writes about sorrows, lies, and deep loves. When you read her work, you will dip down into her heart and end up in all manner of body parts. Should you find yourself reflected in these words, it is merely coincidence; however, it does not surprise her you share the same heart. Find her at bethpeddle.com and @beeperpeddle on Twitter and Instagram

Lisa Molina (she/her) is an educator/writer in Austin, Texas. She is a 2022 Best of the Net nominee for poetry, and her digital chapbook “Don’t Fall in Love With Sisyphus,” published by Fahmidan Publishing, launched in February 2022. Her words can be found in journals, including Fahmidan Journal, Sky Island Journal, The Ekphrastic Review, Beyond Words Magazine, Flash Fiction Magazine, and Neologism Poetry Journal. She currently works with high school students with special needs.